This is my first attempt to blog…ever. I don’t know exactly what to write about. I’m pretty sporadic when it comes to writing. So here it goes…
I’ve been trying to find any means to find an escape from boredom and reality. I’m feeling that I’m at an awkward stage in my life right now. I’m in constant conflict with my inner self.
This has by far been the worst 6 months of my life… With my Grandfather’s death and my Grandmother being ill with cancer I can’t seem to get a break.
I never knew how bad this would take a tole in my social life. I seem to overanalyze everyone, and every situation. I’ve build this impenetrable wall as well as build a tolerance for not giving a fuck therefore being overtly blunt.
Even my ways of thinking…
I was already mental before and unstable if i must analyze myself, but now its out of control! I don’t seem to have a care in the world. I’m 22 about to be 23 and i just party and get drunk. I drive and drink, drink and drive. No responsibilities and I’m probably failing out of community college.
I see all this and can’t help but to hate myself. There’s always something for me to pick at about myself. I just pick and pick and never find away to change it. I have no motivation, or will to live i guess. Which only makes me feel even more pathetic. I shouldn’t feel so sorry for myself i know but this is how i feel and it angers me as well as saddens me.
I hate the fact that i have to follow these society guidelines to even have some sort of false short happiness. Jobs and money for schools to work for “the man”. Thats not me. I may be a fucken brat but i just don’t want to do any of that. I’m pointless….Nay!…Useless.
Well, I’m outs, one of my usuals hit me up so i guess im off to get fucked up…
Dirty Laundry 